Exploding

All day I have been exploding with happiness, joy, excitement, and love! I feel like the luckiest woman alive - I wonder if this is what it feels like to win the lottery? But better. Because it is about being a mom.

I am 16 weeks today and we went for our gender reveal u/s.

Well, within minutes the tech was checking out Baby A.....which turns out is our daughter. I was giggling like a little girl.

A few minutes later while I was still dreaming of a little girl the tech started looking at Baby B....our son. I have never pictured myself having a son so it just seems so crazy. Me, I will have a son?

How can we be so lucky?? Today was an amazing day - I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

I think the complete exhaustion is letting up and the hunger is taking over. My desk at work is like a grocery store. My belly is definitely a bump and I am mostly wearing maternity clothes - just so much more comfortable.

Next appointment is in 4 weeks, so until then I will be eating, relaxing, and planning! And I will be praying for all of you.

Miracles

My head has been spinning with all of the miracles that have been announced in the IF world. Amazing, shocking, happy stories.

Before I get started though I need to share a very sad story that is on my mind. I have been following Jen for years. She is hilarious and in a completely stalkerish way I feel like she could be my long lost sister. Of course, she doesn't know me or even probably follow my blog but I'm totally cool with that - she is awesome and has made me laugh for years. She did a FET earlier this year and got pregnant with identical girl twins. It was a rocky road as she had a tiny baby and "hog" baby. Then, developed preeclampsia. She delivered them at 32 weeks.....and they lost one of them (the big baby). Such devastation. I keep praying for her tiny baby - that she pulls through and makes it.

Here are my 4 miracle stories to kick off 2011:

SquarePeg - Holy cow this girl has been the mother hen of the IF and SAIF board - she is a PHD and has crunched every estrogen / follicle number possible. She did clomid, IUI's, 4 IVF's with her tons of her own eggs, decided it was her own crappy eggs and then did a DE cycle - and now has a 1 year old son. A few days after Christmas she tested positive. This gave me goosebumps.

R - A long story as well - IVF cycles, DE cycles and has recently moved on to using a gestational carrier. And on New Year's Eve there was a second line. And now has a doubling beta.

Emily - 3 Fresh IVF's (husband had varicocele surgery) and then success with a FET. She has a 1 year old daughter and got the surprise of a positive as well!!!

Busted Baby Maker - Lost her IVF twins around 23 weeks, did a FET that was a BFN. Did a eSET from a fresh cycle and has a son. Didn't ovulate regularly and swears she hasn't been relaxed so that can't be why she is now pregnant!

I cannot imagine how these women feel and I have been praying that these miracles keep growing and growing and growing. I know so many people ask, why not me. Why don't I get my miracle? There are so many deserving people. I will be praying that all of you get your miracles whatever road it may be.

Happy New Year!

12 Weeks

Feels so good to hit 12 weeks today! And feels so good that I got to see the babies!!! Below are pictures of Baby A, Baby B, and them together. Baby A was sleeping while Baby B was dancing like crazy! No gender guesses and I was disappointed to find out my next u/s isn't until 20 weeks. I was really hoping to have one at 16 weeks to find out genders in order to start preparing while I am feeling good. So, I am thinking about doing an elective one so that I have 4 more weeks to work on rooms, clean out old stuff, etc.

This is the best Christmas present ever!!! Hope everyone has a fabulous holiday!!!

Some updates....

I have a hard time updating mainly b/c I started this blog to (in a crazy emotional way) give back to the blogging community. Over the past 3 years of infertility I have read countless blogs and message boards and when we decided to start our journey at CCRM I wanted to document it for those people just starting on their infertility journey. I documented the ODWU, the crazy Day 3 blood draw, our 11 day stay in Denver, bad fert report, great day 6 report and even better CCS results. And then of course, my holy grail - the positive HPT, rising beta's, and beautiful heartbeats. Through all of that I have had strong support from amazing women across the country. It truly has been a great experience. I thank you all for this!

Not sure where to go from here but for now I will write a quick update.

I am 11 weeks as of yesterday - and have my 12 week ultrasound in a week. Knowing that seeing 2 healthy heartbeats will be the BEST Christmas present ever. I wonder if at that point I will feel like it is for real.....and start really planning. I have been spending many mornings and lunch hours at my local LabCorp while weaning from the progesterone and estrogen. I was paying $222 each visit at my local RE but now going to LabCorp it is $0!! And they even do it STAT. I am totally off of progesterone! Whoa!!! And down to 2 estrace pills a day. After my last post the nurses started being a little more reliable and calling with my results - it has been so much less stressful.

Hope everyone has a great holiday season!

Calling in Favors, The Flu, and Another U/s

White Flag:

Last Friday I was at a breaking point as I still had not heard from a nurse about my E2, P4 and U/S from earlier that week. We were on our way to Disney but I was a basket case so Josh made me call in a favor. My distant cousin is a nurse at CCRM.....so he called the main office and asked for her - and much to my surprise she answered! I am such a baby - I couldn't even explain the situation without crying. She went to talk to my main nurse and let me know she had my results and would call me later. At that moment my whole body relaxed.

The dreaded stomach bug:

Charlotte had the stomach bug (maybe flu) last week but we still made it to Disney. Then, Sunday morning I woke up in the hotel and felt TERRIBLE. A hangover times 20 - appears I caught the same bug. We came home immediately where I spent most of the day in bed. I was worried about what was going on in my ute so I took Monday off to continue to recover.

The need for an u/s:

So, I had another u/s today - and it was just what I needed heading into Thanksgiving. Both babies are measuring right on track and their heartbeats were about 170. I think it is time to face the music that I just may be really growing TWO babies in my body.

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. I know many of you may be on different parts of your journey and this can be a hard time. When I was in a dark place this saying helped me appreciate each day even if I seemed to be waiting for something else.... There is no road to happiness....happiness is the road.

Holy Emotional

I think I have cried 10 times in less than 12 hours. It all started yesterday when I just got totally fed up with the lack of communication from the emerald city. I had my u/s on Monday and even though I had left multiple voicemails and sent many emails all I had gotten in return was half ass email responses. I started weaning vivelle patches and also started doing PIO every other day and I couldn't get any nurse to engage enough to tell me if this was okay and when I should get checked next. I freaked out. And they won't tell me when to have another ultrasound. Huh? I thought it would be 2 weeks like EVERYONE ELSE. Finally late last night the nurse called. They never got the u/s results. Great. She wanted to see the results to decide on the next u/s. Fair enough, I guess. I had to go today for bloodwork - which may or may not be sent to them today from LabCorp. Fabulous.

I am not only Holy Emotional - I am also Holy Happy. I am still in shock and disbelief. So thrilled that all of this has paid off and that our dream is coming true.

When I laid down on the table just after 1 on Monday my heart was beating so loudly I felt like everyone could hear it. The screen was pointed away from me so of course I watched the nurses face (not Josh's b/c he had no idea what he was looking at!) waiting for a sign. She pretty much immediately said - "Looks like there are 2 in there". She let me look at the screen for a second and then started all her measurements. She let us listen to both heartbeats (cue tear coming down my face)....they were both about 130. That is pretty much all she told us. But it was enough for me (at the time).

So next steps. No idea and it is driving me crazy. I did make my first Ob appt for the first week of December.

Thanks for all the well wishes :)

Quickie

Just a quick post to share the news......2 sacs and 2 heartbeats. They sounded beautiful - and as I listened a tear ran down my cheek.

I don't think anything is going to be "quick" anymore......

More details tonight!