Our new normal

I was so anxious to find out what our new normal would be - going from 1 daughter to 2 daughters and a son. It is calming to be in a routine and have a schedule. Even if I am back at work and it is non-stop.

The babies are now a little over 14 weeks old and wow, things just keep getting better. I remember about 10 weeks ago hitting the wall of exhaustion and thinking I would NEVER get to sleep again. I convinced myself of this. Well, I made it through and I am now averaging 7 hours a night! 6+ of which are straight! Holy Cow - it is fabulous. As I read other blogs of newborn twins my heart goes out to them.....those first 8 weeks are really not cool. I am here for anyone who needs a pep talk!!

Some recent pictures:






I have been meaning to post about the book I use - I never hear of anyone else using it but my sister introduced me to it. It is The Contented Little Baby Book. When I was pregnant with Charlotte I had no idea what to do with a baby when I brought her home - no idea when and how often to nurse, what to do with her, etc. This book provides very "strict" schedules based on age. The whole premise of the book is to teach your baby to sleep from 7pm to 7am. Um, yes please. There is a lot of over the top advice, but if you read it you can understand her thought process and take bits and pieces as you need. I tried to start following it around 6 weeks - which I think was a bit difficult as the babies still slept alot and wanted to eat more often. Right around 12 weeks they were able to start following the schedule and guess what, they started sleeping the longest stretch ever....between 6-7 hours straight. Just wanted to share. (There is a twin version, but I prefer the regular one)


Baby stats...

Bennett is cooing and making all kinds of fun noises. And when he smiled he pulls in his lips. He is HUGE - probably almost 17lbs and sleeping in 9month PJ's right now. He eats like a champ and is sleeping at night from 7pm-10pm (10-11 we have awake and eating time) then from 11pm - 6:45am. Rock on Bennett. He is starting to reach for toys and rolls onto his side. Bennett watches his big sister like a hawk.

Violet smiles the biggest smiles I have ever seen. Her mouth is open, her eyes wide, and she just makes your heart and soul happy. She is quiet except for her gassy grunts. An occasional coo (but loud) here and there. She was sleeping great but has gotten into a routine of waking around 5:30 rather than going all the way to 7. Maybe she is just extra hungry right now. She is also grabbing toys and kicks her legs up to roll to the side.

And for good measure...Charlotte. She has come out of this all a stronger, happier, more caring little girl. The first 8 weeks were hard for her too. But, she loves her brother and sister, talks about them growing bigger so they can do things with her. She says her ABC's, counts to 20, digs around the kitchen for food, sings twinkle little star to the babies, and holds Violet's hand in the car. Melt my heart.

10 weeks, Our Sweet Spot

So, yesterday marks 10 weeks and I think we may have finally hit our "I'm going to make it" mark. I think it is a bit later than most, but these past 3 weeks have been not that great with D&C's and sickness that it took me a bit longer. I was able to take the babies for an hour walk and then do some weights after.....felt soo good to sweat and get my heart rate up. Makes me feel alive!

I have to say I am so proud that after 10 weeks (and all the other crap), I am still breastfeeding. I am starting to reap the benefits that people talk about - they gaze at me while nursing, hold my hand, and I just feel soo close with them. I love it.

I wish I could say the babies were sleeping for 6 or 7 hours straight....then I would be over the moon. But, they are sleeping about 5....so, I am not going to complain and know that with time things will get better.

More positives are that they are smiling a ton. It makes my heart melt. They also are able to "play" - kicking on their play mat's, or sitting in their bouncy seats and are happy doing it.

13 days til I go back to work - lots of anxiety.

Yes, another D&C

If you can believe it, I ended up having another D&C yesterday.

Two weeks after the first D&C I was still bleeding, so the dr had me get an u/s. And shocking to all still showed "stuff" in there. My options were another D&C, pills and waiting it out with potential of a D&C anyway.

Obviously, with a 2 year old and twins at home, I would need lots of help when having a D&C.....and my parents are headed out of town next week. So, based on this along with a gut feeling we went ahead with it. We decided on Wednesday and scheduled it for Friday. So, I spent Wed & Thur in a fog - pissed, sad, scared, depressed. I now only have 2 weeks left of maternity leave and this is what I have to deal with. Seriously??

Anyway, it's over - and it went much better than the first one (IV, no throwing up after) - but yes, they found tissue. We'll see what the pathology report says. And beforehand Dr and me had the talk about a possible hysterectomy......so, that was my first question when I came to. Let's hope it is all taken care of b/c I am scared to death that would be the only other option.

A year ago tomorrow these sweet twins were conceived in Lone Tree!!! Unbelievable!

2 months!

When people said the first few months are a blur - they are right! I have a post in the works of a week by week update.

For now - we had their 2 month update yesterday (and they are 9 weeks today). Best part of being 2 months old....the smiles :) And they watch Charlotte like a hawk! Worst thing - that I "think" they should be sleeping longer and although we have had some awesome nights (6 hours between feedings = 5 hours of straight sleep) we seem to always take 2 steps forward and one back.

Bennett is now 14 lbs 8 oz. Holy Cow!! Violet is 11 lbs - my little sweet princess. I am so happy they are thriving - and the doctor was pleased with their growth and milestones as well.

Thank goodness my mom came with me b/c we had Charlotte in tow b/c she has gone from strep to impetigo to fifths disease. It has been crazy - but she is much better now! We were all exhausted after 90 mins at the dr!

It was Placenta

Yikes....kind of crazy. I guess it is usually that it didn't cause a problem until 7 weeks postpartum.

So, last week I was in the hospital and recovering and this week my 2 1/2 year old has a really wicked case of strep throat. Not really the ending to the maternity leave I had envisioned.

I have 3 weeks to figure out how to shrink my ass and belly so my work pants fit. hmmmmm.

Sub.Involusion = Hospital Stay = D&C

When I was at my very lowest wondering how I would even handle this "new" life I started bleeding.

Kind of graphic and long......

Like, can't get off the toilet bad. Scary bad. It was last Sunday night. I called the on-call dr about 30 mins after it started. We agreed that I should wait an hour and if it slowed to wait to go to the office in the morning. (reminder 7 weeks post partum). In the morning I was with the babies waiting for the dr office to open to call to make an appt - when it started again. Worse. My MIL was here so she helped pack me a hospital bag and get the babies down for nap - and I wrote out a schedule for her and told my DH to get home to take me to the dr. We made it there at 10am and it had slowed - then the dr did an internal exam and hell broke loose. Then, they did an u/s to look for retained placenta. I was a MESS. I could barely walk, I was dizzy, and I was scared. They didn't see anything of note in the u/s but sent me to the hospital. Guess what, the bleeding slowed again. I pumped in the car and we headed in. They gave me fluids and meth.ergine to help my uterus contract. No more bleeding -but they wanted me to stay overnight. Dr said probably my first heavy period. I doubted it b/c I am breastfeeding and with Charlotte I didn't get it for many months. They seriously didn't think it could be placenta b/c I had an c/s.

Side note: this happened to my sister with both her pregnancies and to my mom. I thought I got away with it b/c it didn't happen with Charlotte but with all this bleeding I knew it had to be "it".

So, the rest of Monday I didn't bleed I rested, rested and pumped alot and thought I was in the clear. Well, the next morning I was all ready for my "release" when I got up and it started happening!! Ugh!!! I was so happy my actual dr is on-call on Tuesday's so she came in to see me - decided to do another u/s and then based on that possibly a d&c. Yikes. Well, by 9:30 I was getting an u/s and then at 10 was told I was headed in for a d&c. I barely got a call out to my DH. My dr decided on this b/c my lining was unusually thick and b/c of my family history (although no one will admit this is hereditary). She thought it was something called a sub.involusion. So, when I got to the operating room my IV wasn't in, so they had to try like 4 times - it hurt like hell and I was crying like a baby. I didn't want to be there. Finally, finally it was in and I was OUT.

I woke up sick as a dog and in wicked pain. What a horrible thing to go through and all I could think is about how I have babies at home. All the women who have had to do that when having a miscarriage - that heartbreak would be too much to bear.

Turns out they did find tissue - sent to pathology to determine if it was placenta or not. Dr also used an u/s during the procedure and said it was a good thing she did otherwise they would have missed it and I would have been back. The thought is a nightmare.

They made me stay ANOTHER night. Holy cow....but it was a good thing as I was feeling horrible and would have never gotten the rest at home. My parents came when I came home and did everything for me while I slept a ton. It was so nice, yet made me feel like I am back to square 1. I have to take it easy until my follow-up appt on Thur.

So, that's my story. I am sharing b/c it is NOT normal to still be bleeding at 7 weeks post-partum.

So, is it hereditary or b/c I had twins? I wonder????

Babies are great - I need to dedicate a post to that b/c things got SO.MUCH.BETTER between 6 & 7 weeks. Weeks 4-6 are HARD.

Thanks for reading!!!

Reminder

I needed a reminder so I went back and read this post. I remember those few days waiting on fert reports and how a mess I was. I was desperate for our adventure to CCRM to be a success.

Why do I need a reminder? Well, b/c this is hard. Hard in a different way than expected. Hard in a way I find challenging to explain. Hard, b/c I feel guilty that I think it is hard when this is all I wanted.

The babies are amazing. Cute, cuddly, and growing. Charlotte is a very good big sister - she helps burp them and holds Violet's hand in the car, and just wants to hug and kiss them.

What's hard? The lack of sleep, the change in our normal life and coming to realize life will be a different normal for a long while, the demands of breastfeeding, the supplementing of formula and all the feelings that go with that, the middle of the night decisions, the list goes on.

I love these babies with all that I have - and that part is not hard.

4 weeks!

It is unbelievable that the babies are 4 weeks old today. I can't tell if time has gone fast or slow.

Things are hard. I won't lie. When we first got home the babies mostly slept. And my parents were here to help. So, the dishes got done, naps taken, food made, etc.

Now, they still sleep a lot but not as much. And it is more work to get them to go to sleep. And more work when they are awake. We have been trying to have "awake time" but they both want to be held.....and there is only me. So, I feel like one baby is always neglected and crying which makes awake time stressful.

Last week I hit a wall with the night time wakings. But, there really is no solution so I am sucking it up. We had a fabulous Sunday night where we slept from 11 to 7 and only woke to eat from 3-4. So, I know it HAS to get better. Bennett is always the one to wake up and initiate the feeding - it seems Violet will keep on sleeping but Mommy won't let her! The real culprit is Charlotte - she is up and in our room at 7.....if that weren't the case we could sleep in longer. But, she brightens my morning.

Breastfeeding is still going well!! I really don't mind it at all. Seems crazy - I know I am lucky.

Who knew one handed typing was so hard....Bennett is being needy. Again, so lucky.

10 days

I haven't written because I have no idea where to begin (oh, and b/c I am kinda busy!).

Today is the 10th day with our miracles. And every day I feel luckier than the last.

As far as the birth story.... I can't really talk about it to people b/c I end up crying. Everything went according to plan but it was super emotional for me but yet hard to explain exactly what part. Maybe getting the spinal alone in an OR and having a nurse poke me over and over to check how numb I was - and I really just wanted to hold Josh's hand. Knowing behind the blue drape I was having major surgery was a bit hard for me - feeling the pulling and tugging - somewhat wishing they would just knock me out. Feeling nauseous and freezing at the same time. But then, it was time for the babies to come out and everything got better. First Baby A - our little girl Violet was born - I saw her for a second over the drape and was chanting - cry baby cry - seemed to take forever. Then, they moved on to Baby B - also seemed to take forever - the drape got lower and lower so Josh got a pretty interesting video. You can see Baby B's whole body out but his head seemed stuck. Then out he came - and they all immediately commented how big he was. Then all the cleaning, weighing, etc happened. Josh was able to walk over while I was still stuck behind the drape - feeling nauseous yet again. The rest is a blur including being in the recovery room. What I do remember is beginning to breastfeed. Violet was handed to me first. I obsessed over who and how the first try would happen - and guess what, it just happens. She was done first so they gave her to me. My wonderful OB was in the room as well as a nurse who helped little Violet latch almost immediately. Right about then I really got nauseous again and the vomiting started. So, I was nursing and vomiting in a big simultaneously. I bet I looked awesome. Bennett came next and I think it took him a bit longer to latch (and did for about 48 hours) but he took to the boob! Talk about a happy mama!



The rest of the hospital stay was pretty challenging. Days were fine but napping was challenging b/c of all the tests and vitals to be taken, etc. Nights were very very very hard. By the last night I was a total wreck. Not much sleep and anxious to get home. And an emotional basket case on top of it. We got home to my parents staying in our house - at first we took our exhaustion out on them - being very grumpy. They were so supportive and made us sleep and helped get us back on track. I can't thank them enough!!

Since being home everything has gotten better and better. The nights have been rough but they too have gotten more manageable. More in another post.

Violet and Bennett are amazing - I kiss them a million times a day and can't believe they are here to stay. I will post again about our schedule and other things as it may help someone! I pretty much only tandem breastfeed which is working great! I feel so very lucky. As I type this I am watching the monitor as they are in Violet's crib all snuggled next to each other. Swoon.

Hope everyone is well.

Picture Time

Sorry for the delay -thanks for all the messages! Things are even crazier than I imagined. And better too. Here are some pics - update will be later. Time to nurse and then hopefully nap.

Plus 2

Just a quick post from my phone bc the hospital blocks blogs!!!! So I can't post pics :(

All went well and Violet Mae was born at 7:56 weighing 6lbs 11oz. Bennett William was born 2 minutes later weighing a huge 8lbs 4 oz!!! He is the talk of the hospital!

I am recovering well with a few exceptions.

They are breastfeeding like champs. No issues at all. I have even started tandem (when both are screaming)!! I actually love cuddling both of them right after a session. I can't kiss them enough. They look so different. And different from Charlotte. All the envisioning I did was definitely not on target!

More Friday once we are home!

The Naked Belly Truth

I have some pics for you.....mostly b/c I have been obsessed with my belly and knowing if my stretch marks are here for life. Besides breastfeeding twins it may be one of my top google searches. I haven't found many before/after pics, so thought I would document mine. My obsession comes from the fact that I don't like tankini's - they make me extra hot in the FL sun (not kidding), so I really hope I will one day be in a a bikini again.

So, this is the longest tank top I could find....it fit 5 weeks ago and now isn't even close. I know I don't look that glamorous - no make up and after my nap :) Remember this? This was right at the beginning!

Who is nervous?!?! Point all fingers at me - I am becoming a basket case.

4 more days to.....

-be the complete center of attention wherever I go

-have 2 miracles with me 24/7

-be pregnant for most likely the rest of my life

-feel crazy movements (like aliens) in my belly

-read Charlotte books while she rests her head on my belly

-have all the kids in Charlotte's class run up to me, touch my belly and yell "babies"

-eat as much ice cream as I want and not feel guilty

-have my mind swirl of what these 2 new babies will look like

-give Charlotte 100% of my attention


The rest of my life to.....

-be the center of attention having twins and a toddler (or so I hear)

-love 3 children with my heart and soul

-read books to 3 children and teach them to appreciate books

-learn about 3 personalities, interests, and demeanors

-watch Charlotte grow as a big sister

-worry worry worry

-give more hugs and kisses than I ever imagined


4 more days.....excited, scared, ready, proud....

Lindsay's Big Day

Lindsay - been thinking of you but blogger won't let me comment - been trying for days!!!

Hope all went smoothly and you are enjoying some cuddle time with the babies!! Can't wait for an update!

As for me.....8 days away from my c/s. Yipeeeeeeeeee!!!

"Busting at the seams"

Well, we took a 35 week belly picture and well, see for yourself below.

Maybe this explains the looks, stares, comments, "God Bless You's".....I have been writing about this in my Belly Book b/c really, even though it may sound like a complaint, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

p.s. my dr said I could take Tylenol PM (last night I didn't get 1 solid hour of sleep). I hope it helps!!

35/19

I notice most people get excited about 35/35 - as in 35 weeks and 35 days to go. Oh boy am I glad I can say 19 and not 35. Whew.

I am getting so close! So close. I have started questioning if I have enough "stuff".....burp clothes, blankets, diapers, outfits.....I am most definitely going overboard at this point.

Last week my cervix was still thick and closed. No action down there. Tomorrow I have another appt. Babies are measuring nice and plump :)

I really really want to breastfeed these babies - but wow, it is tough to find successful accounts - if anyone knows of a blog or anything please let me know. I have found a FB friend who was successful and she is giving me some advice (or heads up how very hard it is). But I want details. What happens in the hospital - who do you feed first? When can you start trying tandem feeding.....I need HELP!!! Anyone want to chat about this??

I am trying not to complain, but wow, my body hurts. That's all I will say.

Today at target (yes, buying more "stuff" and stocking up on detergent and house stuff) as I was down an aisle I saw a woman walk by - stop - come back and stare at me. I was trying to ignore her, but then she said "Oh, God Bless You". I thought that was nice compared to the "You are busting at the seams" comment I got yesterday. The attention to my big huge belly is just hilarious!

Hope everyone is well!!!

3 years ago....in a petri dish

Back when we started down the IVF road I didn't have a blog - so I went old school and wrote it all in a journal. I pulled the journal out to use for to-do lists preparing for the babies and had it on the coffee table. Charlotte found it, grabbed a pen, and started drawing in it. When I looked over she was coloring on-top of some of my "entries". Made me think back 3 years when I noticed she was on May 23rd.....2008. It was retrieval day of my second IVF. 18 eggs retrieved and in the lab they were fertilizing...and now one of them is the little girl who made me a mother. Asleep upstairs in her big girl bed.....the last thing she told me was "sweet dreams, mommy". If she only knew all the hopes and dreams I have had for years and years. I am so glad she made my dream of being a mommy come true.

Maybe I needed this today because I am pretty down and out. I am feeling pretty horrible and needed some perspective. Four weeks from tomorrow is my c-section (chanting in head I can do-it, I can do-it). Right, I can? I feel crazy for still working full-time but I am so set on getting my 12 weeks after they are born - so I am sucking it up now. I am only in the office 2 days/week (and work from my couch all other days). To mentally get through today I decided I am going to take one PTO day each week.

Itching for all the updates from the girls this far along....how are you feeling? Any sleep suggestions? We can do-it!!

Maternity Pics

Happy Mother's day to all you momma-to-be's! We celebrated on Saturday by having my dear friend take some belly shots for us! It was quick, easy, and they are awesome!! I am so grateful for my friend. We spent the day at my parents and I was able to keep my feet up most of the day - which is good b/c my kankles are HUGE!

Sunday was a little rough for me. I was very emotional....Mother's day was rough for many years and I know so many people who are still struggling. I gave Charlotte so many kisses and hugged her tight, knowing she made me a mother. And when thinking about how there will be 2 more, I could barely handle the emotions.

Six weeks from tomorrow is my scheduled c-section (just before 38 weeks). Wow. On one hand it is so close, on the other, I have no idea how I am going to make it. My body hurts, sleeping is difficult, I can't breathe, heartburn is killer, and I just feel trapped in my own body. But, I feel these babies move, hold my hand tight to my belly and whisper to them.....it is amazing. And I am pretty sure this is the last time I will be pregnant, and that makes me cherish it a little more. I can easily remember all those thoughts of wondering if I would ever experience this and here I am, so very lucky. CCRM rocks!!!

Here are a couple of pics from the weekend. We have an u/s on Thursday....will update with progress then.

The Swab Test

Well, I have had my first run-in with "Are these real contractions - HOLY SH!T"

I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. These babies are no where near ready to enter this oxygen breathing world.

Monday night only an hour after going to bed I am awoken by a dream where I am in lots of pain....well, turns out I really was. I was having Braxton Hicks that hurt like hell. I went down to the couch and started timing them.....there were a lot....and they were coming fast. So, I set a time (60 minutes later) at which point I would call the on-call dr. I drank a big glass of water while dealing with them.....and luckily 15 minutes before the deadline they subsided.

In the morning I got ready for work and planned to call the office - and guess what, they started again. So, the office wanted me to come in, thankfully. They did the NST for about an hour....and not one contraction. They also decided to do the fetal fibronectin swab. It came back negative - which is an indication I will not have these babies in the next 2 weeks.

So, all turned out ok. But wow.....so many emotions I went through. Even though I am less than comfortable I am not ready to not be pregnant anymore....I do not want to spend my maternity leave visiting the NICU.

I have been reading so many other people going through similar things and this is my first "incident". I hope it is the last.....at least for 5 or more weeks. Preferably until June 21st if I can be picky.

On a fun note - I had a shower this past weekend! It was wonderful!! Almost a little surreal that it was for me and for TWO babies!

Names?!

How much fun coming up with 2 names for 2 miracles. Names that we will say over and over, names that will become a part of our hearts and souls.

A little bit of pressure?

Our 2 year old is Charlotte Mary. Charlotte took us awhile and Mary is my mom's name as well as her mom's name. I am a believer that the middle name should be a family name - so that is the same way we will be leaning this time.

For Baby A, our little girl, we will most likely be naming her Violet. Our second choice is Kate. Any thoughts?

For Baby B, our little boy, we are LOST! There are some names I like but DH doesn't. There are names I am not sure "go with" Violet. But, does that matter? We both like Landon, I like Bennett (DH doesn't), I like Marshall (DH is only okay with it), My DH likes Grayson but I am not that thrilled with it.

Any other ideas?