Holy Emotional

I think I have cried 10 times in less than 12 hours. It all started yesterday when I just got totally fed up with the lack of communication from the emerald city. I had my u/s on Monday and even though I had left multiple voicemails and sent many emails all I had gotten in return was half ass email responses. I started weaning vivelle patches and also started doing PIO every other day and I couldn't get any nurse to engage enough to tell me if this was okay and when I should get checked next. I freaked out. And they won't tell me when to have another ultrasound. Huh? I thought it would be 2 weeks like EVERYONE ELSE. Finally late last night the nurse called. They never got the u/s results. Great. She wanted to see the results to decide on the next u/s. Fair enough, I guess. I had to go today for bloodwork - which may or may not be sent to them today from LabCorp. Fabulous.

I am not only Holy Emotional - I am also Holy Happy. I am still in shock and disbelief. So thrilled that all of this has paid off and that our dream is coming true.

When I laid down on the table just after 1 on Monday my heart was beating so loudly I felt like everyone could hear it. The screen was pointed away from me so of course I watched the nurses face (not Josh's b/c he had no idea what he was looking at!) waiting for a sign. She pretty much immediately said - "Looks like there are 2 in there". She let me look at the screen for a second and then started all her measurements. She let us listen to both heartbeats (cue tear coming down my face)....they were both about 130. That is pretty much all she told us. But it was enough for me (at the time).

So next steps. No idea and it is driving me crazy. I did make my first Ob appt for the first week of December.

Thanks for all the well wishes :)

Quickie

Just a quick post to share the news......2 sacs and 2 heartbeats. They sounded beautiful - and as I listened a tear ran down my cheek.

I don't think anything is going to be "quick" anymore......

More details tonight!

24 hours

I am a nervous wreck!! Our first ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 1pm and I have butterflies in my stomach. It has been a long week watching the days go by on my calendar - and now we are almost there. I just kept saying "I can do it" - feels corny but it got me through each day!

I was a basket case on Thursday and had a complete meltdown on my way to work (a combination of nerves, being tired, so sad for Mo, and my mother-in-law being in town). I had my E2 and P4 drawn that morning and the nurse called at almost 9pm EST. My estrogen was 2800 - this is up from 244 in one week! My P4 is up to 45. She said my body is kicking in and doing what it should be doing - I sure hope she is right. Sounds like I will be able to start weaning off the meds this week - yipeee!

I have been paying out of pocket for all these blood draws (for example, Thursday was $222). My insurance will only cover the hormone levels if the blood is "sent out" - which my local clinic won't do. So, my nurse said I can go to Quest or Labcorp from now on to save some money....and I am so relieved. Just wanted to share in case anyone else is experiencing this extra cost.

Remember my heart shirt from transfer day? Well, I am wearing it again today in desperate hope of seeing a beautiful heartbeat tomorrow. (again, can you say corny!)

Will update as soon as possible but may be later in the day due to work meetings.

The wait!

Since my 2nd beta I had a p4 and e2 draw.....and my e2 is STILL low. I am on 4 patches and 3 estrace a day. Seriously??? It was about 240 or 260 - can't remember. The nurse took it to the wizard to get his thoughts. Answer is to keep doing what I am doing. It created a bit of obsessing for a few days but eventually I had to let it go. I guess I just don't know what to do when I don't have something to google about IVF. I think my body has a hard time with the estrogen - b/c during a FET in April I was doing estrogen injections (delestrogen) and even then it took extra long to get my E2 up.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Monday! I have been counting down the days....waiting, hoping, praying we see a strong heartbeat. Will update then!

Beta!

What a great feeling to be happy to get my blood drawn this morning - with a skip in my step and my heart swelling. Humbling to remember that I have made the same walk to the dr office a couple of times with total dread.

So my beta is 244!!!
My P4 is around 60 (doing PIO) and my E2 is finally around 400.
Next beta should be Saturday but my local clinic doesn't do betas on the weekend - but the nurse wants me to go - anyone else have this problem and a good solution?

A little tip for all of you. I got a free month supply of vivelle patches (8) using a voucher from their website. I fulfilled it at Freedom Pharmacy with no problems at all.

I am so unbelieveably happy and now keep telling myself - one day at a time - as I was already figuring out when the first u/s would be!

So, a couple of weeks ago I was out shopping and saw a Dorothy costume for Charlotte - and I couldn't pass it up (she already had a pair of red ruby slippers). I also bought myself a scarecrow costume and was planning on getting DH the tinman. I thought this was too perfect for 2010 - as we have been on the yellow brick road for so many months. I will be sure to share a picture!

So many BFP's on my blog roll - I am soo happy for all of you, and hopeful for those to come.

More Like It (6dp5dt)

I took your advice, bought a First Response last night, tossed and turned all night waiting for the morning and then took the test at 6AM.

Within 2 minutes the line showed up and the best part was I didn’t have to hold it a special way to see it.


I am so happy to be right where I am right now. As I mentioned many people know about this cycle, but they will not know the result until Thursday. For now (although I am a nervous wreck), I have a little secret in my uterus – although I feel like it is in my heart.

Is a line a line if...

-It is on the dollar tree test?

-If some of you may see it and some of you may not but both Josh and I see it

-We saw it at about 6 minutes - the instructions say between 3 and 10 minutes (picture was taken at 12 minutes)

Next steps:

-Test in the morning

-Buy a better brand - what do you recommend?

-Cautiously hoping that this is real and I am not being fooled.

HPT Torture (5dp5dt)

This morning I chickened out and didn't take the test. I convinced myself I wouldn't last night so that I could go to sleep. So immediately after my first morning pee I started holding it - so that mid-morning I could POAS. So about 11 I squeezed 4 drops into one of the dollar tree tests. I went to prepare a load of laundry. At 3 minutes I only saw white so I took it downstairs, showed it to Josh, and said "Sorry, I was hoping to have a surprise". He held it in all different light and swore he saw something. Then, I looked and yes, I see something. Is it a real line, a ghost line, a gray line, a pink line??? It was just at 10 minutes.

During my last FET I swore I saw a line and I obviously didn't, so I am not at all optimistic. But, I know it is early. Very early. (considering my transfer wasn't until 3pm - it hasn't even been 5 days!)

This has to work, right? We transferred 2 high quality hatching chromosomally normal embryos. For crying out loud.

This post from Chronicles of.... hit home with me b/c I feel like there is so much pressure. So many people know about this - friends, family, family friends, work people, hair dressers, etc. There are so many people pulling for us I don't want to let them down.

As for symptoms. I feel off.....still have that pain to the left and below my belly button. And now my back aches. Oh, and my right nipple hurts. That's all folks.

Should I POAS again today?

3dp5dt

So, how do I feel? Scared. They should have implanted by now....have you little snowbabies? Or are you melting away like the wicked witch of the west?

So, today is 3dp5dt. When I got home last night I pulled out my actual handwritten "diary" of my 3 other IVF's to see what I felt then. Funny, it seems I felt the same during each one and 2 failed and 1 worked. Well, that leaves me nowhere!!!!

In 2 days I will be POAS and my heart will be racing and in my throat while I am willing a line to appear. Imagining the sinking feeling if it only 1 line appears and knowing the pure joy if there are two. Or maybe I should hold out a few days.

Not until late on 1dp5dt did I start feeling any cramps. And it was always one spot....to the left and a little lower than my belly button. Let's be honest, is that even my uterus? Or is it b/c some of my patches are there? My lower right side sometimes cramps. But I am only typing all of this b/c I have nothing else to say. No other symptoms. Nada.

Let's be honest again. Only time will tell.

For the record on the day of transfer my E2 was still in the low 200's.....these patches don't seem to be doing the job for me so now I am up to 3 estrace pills a day (covered my insurance - yay!). Has this happened to anyone else? My P4 was however was in the 30's.

Tomorrow we are celebrating my parents 40th Wedding Anniversary - what an important event! Hope everyone has a great weekend!!

Two Jewels

Below is a picture of the 2 jewels currently in my uterus. My sister has named them Aurora and Belle for disney princesses b/c Charlotte is now falling in love with these lovely ladies.

We arrived at CCRM at noon and I was quickly taken back for my blood draw and then we wen upstairs to be greeted by Lynne who ushered us into our room. I was shocked to find out they bring the embryos to us rather than taking me somewhere. I popped my valium and we got comfortable as my bladder got more uncomfortable. They checked my bladder via u/s, Lynne gave us bed rest instructions and then Kerry from embryology came in to discuss the embryos. They thawed the 5AA and the 5BB - and one had moderately expanded and one minimally expanded. Hmmmm - he didn't seemed concerned so I am going to go with that. Then the wizard appeared and he went right to town - barely saying a word (after a nice hello). During the actual transfer (from speculum to embryo placement) he didn't say a single word. Nothing. Do the nurse and embryology guy just read his cues?? Strange. On his way out he said "It couldn't have gone better". Very matter of fact - definitely not a warm and fuzzy feeling. He did pop in later to just ask how I was doing.

We had to wait an hour before I could get dressed and go to the bathroom. They offered a bed pain, but what in the world does that mean? I read on Mo's blog that is was an uncomfortable experience so I said no and held it.

I have been laying around relaxing. Already a bit bored....and anxious.....and trying not to obsess that I think the embryos look a little funny.....they don't look like everyone else's!!!

Please stick little ones. I am ready for you!!!!



Thanks for all the support!

Emerald City

We are here and I am assuming the snowbabies are thawing and hopefully expanding......just waiting around for our scheduled time to arrive at the clinic. Our transfer time with the wizard himself is 1:15.

I have always worn the same outfit to my retrieval and transfer days (well, the same comfy pants and a tank top). Well, I decided to change it up today. I am wearing my heart so that the wizard knows that isn't what I need - instead I need this to work so I can love a child with everything I have.

T minus 6 Days

Transfer is on for Tuesday!! October 19th will be a great day!!

Well, my u/s this morning revealed a lining of 14.8. Yikes. And she said no when I asked about the triple pattern. So, by 7:50 I was at my desk at work consulting dr. google and all of your blogs out there trying to determine if this cycle was doomed. I found plenty of girls who had similar linings and transfers still happened - so this got me through the day.

Marsha reviewed my u/s and my E2 of only 205 with Dr. Schoolcraft and he said it is a go. Now I have to take 2 estrogen blue magic pills a day along with the list of meds that filled up a yellow sticky pad. Tonight is my last Lupron shot and in return I get a PIO shot in my butt in the morning and a suppository at night.

It has been about 4 months since our first consult with the wizard. At that time I envisioned a lonng list of all the "to-dos" we would have to cross off before actually being in the final two week wait. We have done all the paperwork, gone for the ODWU, shipped day 3 b/w, done monitoring locally, spent 11 days in denver, egg retrieval, fert report, day 3 report, day 6 report, CCS results, FET prep.....and we are finally in the FINAL stretch. My heart is full of hope, my mind is full of dreams of babies and thoughts of what if this fails?

A week from today I will be a basket case stuck in bed!

Random questions and thoughts as the time slowly passes....

Still prepping for the FET - hopefully it is really going to happen a week from tomorrow! I am up to 4 patches and starting to feel really crampy.

A couple of questions for all you out there:

-Is cramping normal?
-What exactly does "rotate" the patches mean? How long should I wait until I use the same spot? Is the reason for rotating b/c of absorption or b/c of skin irritation?
-Did any of you put them on your back? I have 2 back there right now.....
-I have continued to jog and lift weights - anyone else keep at it while prepping?

My ultrasound is Wednesday morning to check out my lining - getting anxious.

On another note...I was at a party Saturday night as I was talking to another girl she told me she is 4 months pregnant. After congratulating her I asked when her due date would be and her response was "April, I didn't want to be pregnant over the summer". I laughed. Out loud. What a totally different perspective she has on this baby making thing.

< 50

I have had my head down just grinding through each work week. Rather than "working for the weekend" I have been "working for Oct 19th".

I started the vivelle patches last week and had my first E2 blood draw this morning. I was a bit worried all day as I had a slow start during the only other FET I have done (why didn't that FET work again?) and I was doing IM shots of delestrogen. So, my E2 is only 30 something. So, now I have to take estrace every night. We are keeping my schedule the same - with everything riding on the u/s next Wednesday. So, head down......

P.S. the makeup remover that comes in the clinque gift bag works great at getting off the sticky residue from the patches.

Day 1

Day 1 of what? Well, my AF, which means it is zero weeks, day 1 of my pregnancy.

I post this b/c all day as I thought about how my FET is now kick-started I was reminded of one of my favorite bloggers post over 2 years ago.

I also had my re-group with the Wizard tonight. He is soo HARD to talk to on the phone. Like it is always so awkward. Not really sure what to think but I am not overwhelmingly happy. Yeah, he said day 6 embryos (all of ours) have less success than day 5 embryos. Fabulous. But he says he has high hopes b/c my body has carried a baby to full term. He also agreed with transferring 2 b/c of our history of non-success. When I told him I was disappointed (at the time) with my 30+ follicles, 22 eggs, 12 mature, 7 (or 10) fertilized....he basically disagreed with the whole thing and said it turned out better than average. The only thing to improve would be the number of mature eggs. Very interesting.

So, if all goes as planned, transfer will be 3 weeks from tomorrow. Time seems to have slowed down.